Posted in abuse, anxiety, criticism, depression, healthy options, interpersonal relationships, mental health, parenting, positive attitude, positive psychology, positive self talk, positive thinking, resilience, Stress Busting, wellbeing

Managing a control freak

There is a fine line between dealing with and managing a control freak and being the victim of emotional abuse. Victim being the operative word. If you feel like a victim , you probably are and you need to get the help to deal with that frame of mind and set of behaviours. Easier said than done depending on the nature of the controlling behaviour. We all like to be in control. We want our coffee the way we want it. We want to be able to relax in the way we relax. We want to make phone calls the way we make them and do our washing the way we do it. We need to bring control freak back into common parlance so that we recognise unhealthy controlling behaviour in ourselves and then unhealthy controlling behaviour in others. It is really difficult when they play a key role in your life. uncommonhelp gives some really practical advice as to how to deal with control freaks. The best bit is that it is all doable so even if you find it hard to stand up for yourself you have a chance of being able to master these suggestions. Dr Judith Orloff analyses the situation better so that you can get some clarity. That’s important. Often you feel very confused. There is usually a reason that people become controllers. We shouldn’t minimise the behaviour by calling them micro managers or helicopter parents.  wikihow explains really well the difference between someone who has strong views and boundaries and one who is a controller. Sorting it out for yourself is how you manage it. If you are not able to do that , it is important to use trusted, successful people to get help and information.

Posted in abuse, anxiety, happiness, interpersonal relationships, positive self talk, stress, toxic people, workplace health

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse is very difficult to identify and even more difficult to prove. It’s sly, underhanded, artful and calculated. It’s important to know it is happening to you and it is important to notice it might be happening to someone else. Emotional abusers often have their reasons. It that awful cycle of abuse where you have been abused and you become the abuser. Emotional abuse can occur in the home , at work, from society at large …people. Unless we are clear about what it is and how to manage it then victims will continue to suffer. It can have dire consequences. A person can be so robbed of themselves, their hopes and dreams until they are in despair and dysfunctional. The worst thing is they have nothing to show anyone. Just what they think and how they feel. It has to be stopped like any other form of abuse and knowledge is power. The image straightens it out in people’s head. It helps clarify what is going on. There are some excellent sites which identify emotional abuse behaviour and symptoms. It is something we can deal with if we get the awareness out there as we have done with so many other things. Healthy Place looks at the short and long term effects of emotional abuse.

Pinterest also has some good help.

Posted in abuse, bullying, mental cruelty, stalking

Emotional Abuse

It has always been difficult to deal with emotional abuse and to get others to deal with it. We have come a long way with physical abuse, neglect and sexual abuse. We have confronted them, brought them into the spotlight and found ways of dealing with them even though we feel totally inadequate at times. Abuse is not easy to deal with. It is part of the abuse cycle that those being abused do not want to confront or “betray” the abusers. Shame is rampant and holds us back. So, for a long time now we have been dealing with what used to be called mental cruelty. It has raised its ugly head on the internet as cyberbullying. Even then there is always the belief that somehow the victim asked for it or deserved it. Somehow we feel powerless. Dealing with abuse means you have to understand the motivations of the perpertrator, because often they have been abused in the same way. Then you have to look at ways of allowing peole to deal with it and one of our best ways is to get it out into the open. Let people talk about it. Then we have to find ways of stopping it. Always we shall feel like we are not doing very well, but it is not a reason to give up trying. Two articles have come out recently which give heart. France has brought in laws to outlaw psychological violence and even though the article does not say much, it at least alerts us to the fact that they are taking action on emotional abuse and we can follow it up. Australia is trying to deal with the derogatory comments which come up on Facebook under their stalking laws. There are more of us than there are of them. There are more good people and we need to work together to keep people safe and stable. Our thinking approach will only help.