Image: Focus Adolescent Information
My last post on Emotional Abuse got a lot of traffic and reaction. I rest my case. We still need to be working on this aspect of abuse because it is the hardest one to manage in my opinion because the damage can’t necessarily be seen. It can be covert , underhanded and hidden abuse. In no way does that mean I think we should be less aware of or less active in dealing with other forms of abuse. No way. Unfortunately history keeps repeating itself, we don’t learn and we just keep allowing abuse to continue. It has to stop. I’d like to think we are the generation and century of human beings who can change this. We have the brains, the insight, the tools and connectivity. Since my last post emotional abuse has been better identified. That’s a big step in the right direction. People need to know what it is. They need to know it happens and they need to know what it looks and feels like.
Image: Education Experts
The next step will be just as big but much harder. We need to work out ways of shutting it down and stopping it. We also need to understand why people do this to others. Joining together and bringing all our ideas to the table will help untangle a lot of this. All abuse needs to be out in the open no matter how hard that is to confront and deal with. It’s the first step. Allowing it to go on behind closed doors is no longer good enough. We need the research, the experts, the documentation. It doesn’t matter whether it’s cyber bullying, family emotional abuse, abuse within a personal relationship, at work , from an organisation looking at it clearly and then approaching it methodically is our only hope. Focus Adolescent Services identifies it very clearly and has some excellent links out to other related information.
There is a fine line between dealing with and managing a control freak and being the victim of emotional abuse. Victim being the operative word. If you feel like a victim , you probably are and you need to get the help to deal with that frame of mind and set of behaviours. Easier said than done depending on the nature of the controlling behaviour. We all like to be in control. We want our coffee the way we want it. We want to be able to relax in the way we relax. We want to make phone calls the way we make them and do our washing the way we do it. We need to bring control freak back into common parlance so that we recognise unhealthy controlling behaviour in ourselves and then unhealthy controlling behaviour in others. It is really difficult when they play a key role in your life. uncommonhelp gives some really practical advice as to how to deal with control freaks. The best bit is that it is all doable so even if you find it hard to stand up for yourself you have a chance of being able to master these suggestions. Dr Judith Orloff analyses the situation better so that you can get some clarity. That’s important. Often you feel very confused. There is usually a reason that people become controllers. We shouldn’t minimise the behaviour by calling them micro managers or helicopter parents. wikihow explains really well the difference between someone who has strong views and boundaries and one who is a controller. Sorting it out for yourself is how you manage it. If you are not able to do that , it is important to use trusted, successful people to get help and information.
Emotional abuse is very difficult to identify and even more difficult to prove. It’s sly, underhanded, artful and calculated. It’s important to know it is happening to you and it is important to notice it might be happening to someone else. Emotional abusers often have their reasons. It that awful cycle of abuse where you have been abused and you become the abuser. Emotional abuse can occur in the home , at work, from society at large …people. Unless we are clear about what it is and how to manage it then victims will continue to suffer. It can have dire consequences. A person can be so robbed of themselves, their hopes and dreams until they are in despair and dysfunctional. The worst thing is they have nothing to show anyone. Just what they think and how they feel. It has to be stopped like any other form of abuse and knowledge is power. The image straightens it out in people’s head. It helps clarify what is going on. There are some excellent sites which identify emotional abuse behaviour and symptoms. It is something we can deal with if we get the awareness out there as we have done with so many other things. Healthy Place looks at the short and long term effects of emotional abuse.
Pinterest also has some good help.