Posted in abuse, be kind, bullying, happiness, mental cruelty, positive psychology, positive thinking, problem solving, resilience, self care

Emotional Abuse

emotional abuseImage: Focus Adolescent Information 

My last post on Emotional Abuse got a lot of traffic and reaction. I rest my case. We still need to be working on this aspect of abuse because it is the hardest one to manage in my opinion because the damage can’t necessarily be seen. It can be covert , underhanded and hidden abuse. In no way does that mean I think we should be less aware of or less active in dealing with other forms of abuse. No way. Unfortunately history keeps repeating itself, we don’t learn and we just keep allowing abuse to continue. It has to stop. I’d like to think we are the generation and century of human beings who can change this. We have the brains, the insight, the tools and connectivity. Since my last post emotional abuse has been better identified. That’s a big step in the right direction. People need to know what it is. They need to know it happens and they need to know what it looks and feels like.


Image: Education Experts 

The next step will be just as big but much harder. We need to work out ways of shutting it down and stopping it. We also need to understand why people do this to others. Joining together and bringing all our ideas to the table will help untangle a lot of this. All abuse needs to be out in the open no matter how hard that is to confront and deal with. It’s the first step. Allowing it to go on behind closed doors is no longer good enough. We need the research, the experts, the documentation. It doesn’t matter whether it’s cyber bullying, family emotional abuse, abuse within a personal relationship, at work , from an organisation looking at it clearly and then approaching it methodically is our only hope. Focus Adolescent Services identifies it very clearly and has some excellent links out to other related information.

Posted in books, bullying, stereotyping

Chicago Blues

When you are reading Hugh Holton’s Chicago Blues it’s hard to think of it as the city which has been the home of such great blues music. He does write some blues lyrics in his book and so you wonder whether the lyrics came first and inspired the book or vice versa:

Chicago BluesThey call it the windy city

‘Cause the wind there has no pity

Like a freight train roarin’ toward you,

Like its whistle blown’ through you,

Through your heart, through your heart.

I found it a hard read because I don’t like violence or violent texts. I persisted because I thought at least it would challenge me and my thinking. For the first 80 pages I was thinking, I am just going to put this in the bin. I don’t want to read it and I don’t want anyone else to read it. Right, it’s going in the bin. Okay, I’ll race through this bit and hope it gets better. I was brought up to respect and revere books , so binning them is sacrilege. Half way through the book it had settled a bit and so had I. It really was a freight train coming at me , it really was whistling through me and it really was crashing through my heart. For the first half of the book the narrative was lost in all the violence. Everyone was harsh, hard, brutal, aggressive. Then a husband and wife sit in the den together and read . For the first time you have normal people doing normal things. You then get great lines once in a while like:

“He opened his mouth and let a couple of drops fall on his tongue. He savored the taste for a moment before smiling. The Odds-n-Ends Souvenir Shop was raining beer. “

This novel was so unlike anything I read so it will take some time to decide what I really thought. I did read the second half very quickly and found it much more satisfying but ,I guess, by then, I knew what I was in for and could manage it psychologically. I just had to detach myself and read and then look at it from a critical point of view. In lots of ways it is very Old testament – If you live by the sword , you die by the sword. It was also very much about the complications of police , politics and mobsters which has some relevance in today’s society. It was written in 1996 and yet you can recognise it as current. Maybe Chicago has gone mainstream? Its difference was what made it a valuable read for me. I learned a lot but I cannot be sure that I’d ever read a book like that again.

Posted in anxiety, bullying, callum, social media, twiiter

Callum – MasterChef

#Callum became a trending top on Twitter Wednesday night after the great custard fiasco for all the wrong reasons.Callum is a competent contestant on MasterChef and has survived to the finals. It’s great he is still there because he is troubled with issues to do with anxiety. He breaks out in blotches and he becomes incredibly nervous. Most of the time he manages and still performs well as he did with his violet macaroons. He is bright, intelligent, takes things seriously and Jamie Oliver seemed to understand him well when Callum won the lesson with him. Callum absorbs information easily. In a way it is good that Callum is in the limelight because we need to seriously look at how we treat people with nerves. In a school situation  he’d be given consideration and would be tested according to his needs because his high levels of anxiety would be taken into account. He is in the perfect position to help others and help himself at the same time because he has come a long way inspite of having to manage a set of emotions which clearly become intolerable at times. Afterwards he articulates very well the issues and problems but these have not been addressed. The media has little understanding of and compassion for anxiety and social media even less.So, do we just stand by and let it happen? Do we try and support people like Callum? Do we continue to allow him to be lampooned and berated when he is not being stupid at all? he just hasn’t found a way yet of feeling secure under erratic and unpredictable conditions and yes, history repeats itself and he “cannot learn”. I thought we had highlighted mental health issues and I thought we had absorbed some ways of helping people who are highly anxious  or depressed. Those were the two areas I thought we had made progress in, but seems not. We can do better than this and maybe Callum can help us do it better.
Posted in abuse, bullying, mental cruelty, stalking

Emotional Abuse

It has always been difficult to deal with emotional abuse and to get others to deal with it. We have come a long way with physical abuse, neglect and sexual abuse. We have confronted them, brought them into the spotlight and found ways of dealing with them even though we feel totally inadequate at times. Abuse is not easy to deal with. It is part of the abuse cycle that those being abused do not want to confront or “betray” the abusers. Shame is rampant and holds us back. So, for a long time now we have been dealing with what used to be called mental cruelty. It has raised its ugly head on the internet as cyberbullying. Even then there is always the belief that somehow the victim asked for it or deserved it. Somehow we feel powerless. Dealing with abuse means you have to understand the motivations of the perpertrator, because often they have been abused in the same way. Then you have to look at ways of allowing peole to deal with it and one of our best ways is to get it out into the open. Let people talk about it. Then we have to find ways of stopping it. Always we shall feel like we are not doing very well, but it is not a reason to give up trying. Two articles have come out recently which give heart. France has brought in laws to outlaw psychological violence and even though the article does not say much, it at least alerts us to the fact that they are taking action on emotional abuse and we can follow it up. Australia is trying to deal with the derogatory comments which come up on Facebook under their stalking laws. There are more of us than there are of them. There are more good people and we need to work together to keep people safe and stable. Our thinking approach will only help.