Posted in abuse, anxiety, criticism, depression, healthy options, interpersonal relationships, mental health, parenting, positive attitude, positive psychology, positive self talk, positive thinking, resilience, Stress Busting, wellbeing

Managing a control freak

There is a fine line between dealing with and managing a control freak and being the victim of emotional abuse. Victim being the operative word. If you feel like a victim , you probably are and you need to get the help to deal with that frame of mind and set of behaviours. Easier said than done depending on the nature of the controlling behaviour. We all like to be in control. We want our coffee the way we want it. We want to be able to relax in the way we relax. We want to make phone calls the way we make them and do our washing the way we do it. We need to bring control freak back into common parlance so that we recognise unhealthy controlling behaviour in ourselves and then unhealthy controlling behaviour in others. It is really difficult when they play a key role in your life. uncommonhelp gives some really practical advice as to how to deal with control freaks. The best bit is that it is all doable so even if you find it hard to stand up for yourself you have a chance of being able to master these suggestions. Dr Judith Orloff analyses the situation better so that you can get some clarity. That’s important. Often you feel very confused. There is usually a reason that people become controllers. We shouldn’t minimise the behaviour by calling them micro managers or helicopter parents.  wikihow explains really well the difference between someone who has strong views and boundaries and one who is a controller. Sorting it out for yourself is how you manage it. If you are not able to do that , it is important to use trusted, successful people to get help and information.

Posted in ageing, depression, kindness, loving kindness, managing change, mental health, positive self talk, resilience, social behaviour, wellbeing, workplace conditions

David Brent

Why shouldn’t here be a song about Slough as there are songs about New York, Paris, Chicago? There are films about the Snowy River, Paris, Seattle. Why not Slough? Why don’t North American Indians call themselves pelican names when they are happy with Sitting Bull, Hawkeye, Lone Wolf? Why can’t people have mental legs as they do a mental head? Why do we think one person is weird and another one is okay? Why shouldn’t we have songs about anything we like? The French make songs about cucumbers, run away dogs, picnics, voyeurs, cigarettes. I didn’t know what I was going to get when I went to see David Brent. I just knew I liked Ricky Gervais and what he stood for. I know he is a complex thinker and can fight effectively for animal rights. I know I liked The Office .The film is set in and around Slough, Berkshire where Ricky Gervais was born. The humour is British and I had some really good laughs throughout the film. It’s a complex film, though, and not to be given a post modern reading. You listen to the song lyrics, you know the actor is being a character you know who is then reflecting on that character. The film questions how we define normality and how we define mental illness. It clearly examines how mental illness is not a disease, it’s not an illness as such, but a person with hopes, thoughts, dreams, relationships and more than anything, feelings. A person is not this bit or that bit but a collection of traits, experiences and thoughts and is a whole . It’s a Gestalt reading of human behaviour. We are not our fatness or thinness or our job or the clothes we put on. We are all sorts of things and some of those things are transient, some of them are determined as acceptable by the norms of society. He questions political correctness, body image, language usage, content of popular culture, work place expectations. It is a film which puts everything under a lens but not in an arduous way. It’s thought provoking and it makes you wonder. If you are familiar with people with mental illness there is a lot which you can relate to. You could even be asking yourself well, maybe it’s not right to call someone that when all they are is a square peg in a round hole. Who are we to put down and judge? Where did we get the parameters from to judge them? You don’t ask yourself that, though. You look at the film and realise people are people and they are all on the road of life trying to get somewhere and trying to do their best at getting there. I really enjoyed this film and I am glad I went to see it. It will be one of my favourite films. I need to think about it some more!

Posted in depression, spring clean, time management, wellbeing

Winter Clean

It occurred to me this year that spring is not a good time for a clean. There are lots of allergens around then, the weather is beautiful and shouldn’t be spent cleaning and winter is to be endured! I had a plan that this year I would get through winter in a more positive way and find things to help me cope with dull, grey, cold and miserable. Since I get stuck indoors a lot I thought it might be a time to do a clean! That way when spring came , my home would be in order and I could go out and play. So I am spending this winter sorting, fixing and doing all the things I have been meaning to do. It means I am moving so I am warmer and fitter. It means I am getting things done which make my living environment function and look better. It also means I am distracted from the cold and dull days which drive me bonkers. So I have scraped paint slops off windows and cleaned them, polished wood, cleaned bathroom tiles and regrouted where necessary. I have taken a drawer into the lounge by the fire and sorted the contents. I have been through my magazines and organised them and found some great projects and recipes! I have cleaned my fish tank throughly and restocked it. I have sorted through my music and  my gadgets. I have redecorated my computers, stuffed flat cushions, purchased new pillows and cover slips. I have been on a mission . I have found by using this approach it has made me more alert to the things I want to do. I have sorted cables and leads and old make up. I can see the difference now and an hour passed this way is often a happy hour. I have something to show for it so it is a much more cheerful way to live in winter. I am lucky I have a dryer, courtesy of my sister, so I can wash and dry things indoors and not worry about the rain. Can’t believe how nice my house looks nor how much I have been enjoying winter. It is in your attitude!
Posted in anxiety, Beyond Blue, depression, Health, wellbeing

World Mental Health Day

We’ve got our information in from Beyond Blue and even though we are dealing better with mental health issues, particularly depression, we have quite a lot more awareness raising to do. People are better at having the conversations but there is some misunderstanding about depression and it treatments and whether depressed people should be in particular job positions. Then there is a whole lot of work to be done on anxiety, which is rife in this country and probably around the world because of our lifestyle and then all the issues associated with living in our culture. The daily worries, catastrophes, pain and destructiveness are getting to people. We have worked a lot out together and the internet has helped us. It is a matter of keeping this going.