Posted in community, coping, happiness, interpersonal relationships, nature, parenting, slow living

Winter Wheat

Winter WheatMildred Walker was a very well credentialed writer who was also a creative writing teacher who dies at the age of 93 in Oregon. Her novel is about Montana where she had lived for a long time. There is no sex, no drugs , no violence and no drama. It’s a slice of life and about Montana. It held me captive for the whole time I was reading it because it was so sane and normal. It was about a young girl growing into a young woman who was discovering what love meant and who was living her life in Montana. You come to understand the rhythm of life in Montana in 1941 and you get to be a part of that life as you read the book. You can see and feel the change of seasons. You come to love the farm and the slow lifestyle. People are living rather than being entertained, stimulated or diverted. They are battling the elements and relishing the small things in life. It is such a contrast to how we are living now. The descriptions are vivid and the experiences are very real. It is not ramped up, artificial or confected. It’s life and the descriptions allow a full appreciation of the experiences in a place like Montana just before WWII. I loved being an invited guest there.

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Posted in abuse, anxiety, criticism, depression, healthy options, interpersonal relationships, mental health, parenting, positive attitude, positive psychology, positive self talk, positive thinking, resilience, Stress Busting, wellbeing

Managing a control freak

There is a fine line between dealing with and managing a control freak and being the victim of emotional abuse. Victim being the operative word. If you feel like a victim , you probably are and you need to get the help to deal with that frame of mind and set of behaviours. Easier said than done depending on the nature of the controlling behaviour. We all like to be in control. We want our coffee the way we want it. We want to be able to relax in the way we relax. We want to make phone calls the way we make them and do our washing the way we do it. We need to bring control freak back into common parlance so that we recognise unhealthy controlling behaviour in ourselves and then unhealthy controlling behaviour in others. It is really difficult when they play a key role in your life. uncommonhelp gives some really practical advice as to how to deal with control freaks. The best bit is that it is all doable so even if you find it hard to stand up for yourself you have a chance of being able to master these suggestions. Dr Judith Orloff analyses the situation better so that you can get some clarity. That’s important. Often you feel very confused. There is usually a reason that people become controllers. We shouldn’t minimise the behaviour by calling them micro managers or helicopter parents.  wikihow explains really well the difference between someone who has strong views and boundaries and one who is a controller. Sorting it out for yourself is how you manage it. If you are not able to do that , it is important to use trusted, successful people to get help and information.

Posted in abuse, anxiety, happiness, interpersonal relationships, positive self talk, stress, toxic people, workplace health

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse is very difficult to identify and even more difficult to prove. It’s sly, underhanded, artful and calculated. It’s important to know it is happening to you and it is important to notice it might be happening to someone else. Emotional abusers often have their reasons. It that awful cycle of abuse where you have been abused and you become the abuser. Emotional abuse can occur in the home , at work, from society at large …people. Unless we are clear about what it is and how to manage it then victims will continue to suffer. It can have dire consequences. A person can be so robbed of themselves, their hopes and dreams until they are in despair and dysfunctional. The worst thing is they have nothing to show anyone. Just what they think and how they feel. It has to be stopped like any other form of abuse and knowledge is power. The image straightens it out in people’s head. It helps clarify what is going on. There are some excellent sites which identify emotional abuse behaviour and symptoms. It is something we can deal with if we get the awareness out there as we have done with so many other things. Healthy Place looks at the short and long term effects of emotional abuse.

Pinterest also has some good help.

Posted in interpersonal relationships, kindness, social behaviour, Society and Culture

Comfort and Ease

I always used to be awkward in social situations. I was okay once I got going. One day I decided I’d just not worry and take things into my own hands and do the icebreaking. From there it just grew. I have always made a point of making people feel good in their own skin. I make sure newcomers are welcome at work. I make sure people are feeling like they belong. I make a point of noticing if someone feels awkward or left out. I even chat away on the phone when I make routine business calls. The difference at the other end is amazing. If something goes wrong I just say , “It’s okay, we all have bad days,” and suddenly there is an ease in any transaction so that now , in shops, staff rememeber me and I even have business people calling ME back to say things have been resolved. It’s about understanding we are all having a hard time, it’s not nice to be the newbie,  that for anyone at the end of the phone anything could be happening in their life. I have never looked back and it it now so much a part of my personality I thrive on it and I am seeing others thrive because kindness just grows and grows. Start with that first step in reaching out. You’ll be rewarded.