Mildred Walker was a very well credentialed writer who was also a creative writing teacher who dies at the age of 93 in Oregon. Her novel is about Montana where she had lived for a long time. There is no sex, no drugs , no violence and no drama. It’s a slice of life and about Montana. It held me captive for the whole time I was reading it because it was so sane and normal. It was about a young girl growing into a young woman who was discovering what love meant and who was living her life in Montana. You come to understand the rhythm of life in Montana in 1941 and you get to be a part of that life as you read the book. You can see and feel the change of seasons. You come to love the farm and the slow lifestyle. People are living rather than being entertained, stimulated or diverted. They are battling the elements and relishing the small things in life. It is such a contrast to how we are living now. The descriptions are vivid and the experiences are very real. It is not ramped up, artificial or confected. It’s life and the descriptions allow a full appreciation of the experiences in a place like Montana just before WWII. I loved being an invited guest there.
There is a fine line between dealing with and managing a control freak and being the victim of emotional abuse. Victim being the operative word. If you feel like a victim , you probably are and you need to get the help to deal with that frame of mind and set of behaviours. Easier said than done depending on the nature of the controlling behaviour. We all like to be in control. We want our coffee the way we want it. We want to be able to relax in the way we relax. We want to make phone calls the way we make them and do our washing the way we do it. We need to bring control freak back into common parlance so that we recognise unhealthy controlling behaviour in ourselves and then unhealthy controlling behaviour in others. It is really difficult when they play a key role in your life. uncommonhelp gives some really practical advice as to how to deal with control freaks. The best bit is that it is all doable so even if you find it hard to stand up for yourself you have a chance of being able to master these suggestions. Dr Judith Orloff analyses the situation better so that you can get some clarity. That’s important. Often you feel very confused. There is usually a reason that people become controllers. We shouldn’t minimise the behaviour by calling them micro managers or helicopter parents. wikihow explains really well the difference between someone who has strong views and boundaries and one who is a controller. Sorting it out for yourself is how you manage it. If you are not able to do that , it is important to use trusted, successful people to get help and information.
“PARENTS have lost the art of effective discipline and raising responsible adults, experts have warned.”
Well, yes. We have a lot of signs that we have totally and completely lost the plot and we are being pushed to breaking point. The article refers to the behaviour of the Xavier students but schools just reflect society. We are dysfunctional and it is because we are not coherent and consistent in our expectations and we keep sending out mixed messages. On OECD standards we look like we cannot hold it together at all. Disclipline is not abuse and it is not nasty. No one should have to ask 10 times for something to be done. Bus passengers shouldn’t have to put up with loud, overbearing teenagers. But it is worse than that because we are experiencing some very violent and bratal teenage behaviour. They are not attached and their anger levels are extreme. They are fighting, bullying and creating mayhem. Good people are doing good things but they are pushing against the tide of unruliness which comes from lack of socialisation. You don’t just abuse people. You don’t just go out and wreck things. You don’t just come and go to school as you please and then sit there and yak and blame everyone else when things go wrong. The social responsibility and common rules of etiquette are missing because children get away with a lot when they are little and then are directed into peer directed behaviour because we let go of the control. It didn’t used to be like that but I think Dr. Tucci in this article tends to direct us where we need to think. We need to let parents be in charge and we have to stop undermining them. We have to stop being so sanctimonious and then maybe our children will be happier and more productive. As it stands they are not getting anywhere except into trouble because they think they are the boss and it’s because we haven’t taken control as adults. Our society has broken down and the signs are there. It started when the rules were for everyone except me and then the smart mouthing and it has just grown from there. Children need boundaries, they need love and they need to learn…and when it’s their turn they can be the boss!
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