Posted in action, ageing positively, positive mindset, positive psychology, positive self talk, positive thinking, self-image, shine on you crazy diamond

Shine on

shine on
Images from pixelstalk.com edited on PhotoCollage.com

 

I saw “It is your year to shine “ on my new calendar. I thought I’d make myself a picture just to remind myself!

 

 

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Posted in positive attitude, positive mindset, positive psychology, positive self talk, positive thinking

Journaling

On a whijournalingm I bought the four pack of journals put out by Flow magazine at the beginning of last year. I had never heard of Flow . I just thought the journals would suit me. I’ve since read Flow magazines and been to their website and follow them on Instagram. It’s a very positive, helpful way of looking at life. The journals were guided and gave you things to do and each one had a theme. From the lists one I actually learned I only need to make lists when I am under pressure and can do them really well. I also learned how I trick myself by writing lists and then doing a lot of things which are not on the list and then not having time to do the list things. I can use lists to make myself feel inadequate. That was a real eyeopener.  The slow living one was good because it was what I was trying to achieve. It gave me a way of looking at it and then a way of developing my life in my own way. Through this year of journaling I have used the journals to plan and achieve ideas. I have evidence of how I do things from conception to completion and the journaling about it meant I could back track and look over what I had been doing both for information and to self correct or review. The journals helped me to plan and achieve so many things last year. I finished the last one the other day. My daughter knew how much I liked journaling so she had bought me the next version of a journal for Christmas. It has some guided spots but I am left a lot to my own devices. I have levelled up in journaling. themuses has some good ways to get you motivated into journaling. I find the paper versions work for me because I am not being tracked, quantified, saved or interfered with in any way. It is just me and my journal. It’s not private but I am developing ideas and concepts. It is 100% my time and my space. I have found that journaling is that Mahatma Gandhi  saying you hear – Be the change you want to see in the world. 

Posted in age, ageing, ageing positively, keep active, keep fit, modelling, positive self talk, positive thinking

Deshun Wang

Yet another example of age being a mirage.Older people are repackaging themselves and redesigning their purpose in life. Deshun Wang expresses it beautifully : he has spent his whole life preparing for this. Stereotyping is restrictive and constrictive for anyone and any group. It is great to see older people just being and if they are the ones who will free us of ageism then they are serving a great purpose in life.

Posted in abuse, anxiety, criticism, depression, healthy options, interpersonal relationships, mental health, parenting, positive attitude, positive psychology, positive self talk, positive thinking, resilience, Stress Busting, wellbeing

Managing a control freak

There is a fine line between dealing with and managing a control freak and being the victim of emotional abuse. Victim being the operative word. If you feel like a victim , you probably are and you need to get the help to deal with that frame of mind and set of behaviours. Easier said than done depending on the nature of the controlling behaviour. We all like to be in control. We want our coffee the way we want it. We want to be able to relax in the way we relax. We want to make phone calls the way we make them and do our washing the way we do it. We need to bring control freak back into common parlance so that we recognise unhealthy controlling behaviour in ourselves and then unhealthy controlling behaviour in others. It is really difficult when they play a key role in your life. uncommonhelp gives some really practical advice as to how to deal with control freaks. The best bit is that it is all doable so even if you find it hard to stand up for yourself you have a chance of being able to master these suggestions. Dr Judith Orloff analyses the situation better so that you can get some clarity. That’s important. Often you feel very confused. There is usually a reason that people become controllers. We shouldn’t minimise the behaviour by calling them micro managers or helicopter parents.  wikihow explains really well the difference between someone who has strong views and boundaries and one who is a controller. Sorting it out for yourself is how you manage it. If you are not able to do that , it is important to use trusted, successful people to get help and information.

Posted in abuse, anxiety, happiness, interpersonal relationships, positive self talk, stress, toxic people, workplace health

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse is very difficult to identify and even more difficult to prove. It’s sly, underhanded, artful and calculated. It’s important to know it is happening to you and it is important to notice it might be happening to someone else. Emotional abusers often have their reasons. It that awful cycle of abuse where you have been abused and you become the abuser. Emotional abuse can occur in the home , at work, from society at large …people. Unless we are clear about what it is and how to manage it then victims will continue to suffer. It can have dire consequences. A person can be so robbed of themselves, their hopes and dreams until they are in despair and dysfunctional. The worst thing is they have nothing to show anyone. Just what they think and how they feel. It has to be stopped like any other form of abuse and knowledge is power. The image straightens it out in people’s head. It helps clarify what is going on. There are some excellent sites which identify emotional abuse behaviour and symptoms. It is something we can deal with if we get the awareness out there as we have done with so many other things. Healthy Place looks at the short and long term effects of emotional abuse.

Pinterest also has some good help.

Posted in ageing, depression, kindness, loving kindness, managing change, mental health, positive self talk, resilience, social behaviour, wellbeing, workplace conditions

David Brent

Why shouldn’t here be a song about Slough as there are songs about New York, Paris, Chicago? There are films about the Snowy River, Paris, Seattle. Why not Slough? Why don’t North American Indians call themselves pelican names when they are happy with Sitting Bull, Hawkeye, Lone Wolf? Why can’t people have mental legs as they do a mental head? Why do we think one person is weird and another one is okay? Why shouldn’t we have songs about anything we like? The French make songs about cucumbers, run away dogs, picnics, voyeurs, cigarettes. I didn’t know what I was going to get when I went to see David Brent. I just knew I liked Ricky Gervais and what he stood for. I know he is a complex thinker and can fight effectively for animal rights. I know I liked The Office .The film is set in and around Slough, Berkshire where Ricky Gervais was born. The humour is British and I had some really good laughs throughout the film. It’s a complex film, though, and not to be given a post modern reading. You listen to the song lyrics, you know the actor is being a character you know who is then reflecting on that character. The film questions how we define normality and how we define mental illness. It clearly examines how mental illness is not a disease, it’s not an illness as such, but a person with hopes, thoughts, dreams, relationships and more than anything, feelings. A person is not this bit or that bit but a collection of traits, experiences and thoughts and is a whole . It’s a Gestalt reading of human behaviour. We are not our fatness or thinness or our job or the clothes we put on. We are all sorts of things and some of those things are transient, some of them are determined as acceptable by the norms of society. He questions political correctness, body image, language usage, content of popular culture, work place expectations. It is a film which puts everything under a lens but not in an arduous way. It’s thought provoking and it makes you wonder. If you are familiar with people with mental illness there is a lot which you can relate to. You could even be asking yourself well, maybe it’s not right to call someone that when all they are is a square peg in a round hole. Who are we to put down and judge? Where did we get the parameters from to judge them? You don’t ask yourself that, though. You look at the film and realise people are people and they are all on the road of life trying to get somewhere and trying to do their best at getting there. I really enjoyed this film and I am glad I went to see it. It will be one of my favourite films. I need to think about it some more!

Posted in be kind, loving kindness, positive self talk, positive thinking

Be kind to people…

It is not always easy to be kind to others or to think kindly of them. It’s harder when they have really done soemthing to hurt you or they have really hurt someone you care about. As you get older you learn to deal with nastiness and unpleasantness better. You can shrug a lot of it off or you can get it into perpective more quickly. Those who lash out or who do the most unthinkably hurtful things which create a major problem for the recipient of their horrible behaviour are often in a bad state of mind and at crisis point themselves. We always like to find the reasons. When you are at the receiving end of it you just have to learn to rise above it, recover your dignity and reassert yourself. You do that by being who you are and following the values you believe in. Challenging behaviour from others, which temporarily throws you into disarray, chaos, personal pain and immobility, requires the help of others- your network, the people who love you, the people you can trust. It’s good to believe you can always be kind to people but you should never let someone who does you harm get away with it. You can ignore it and remove them from your life. You can take some firm action to show them they cannot treat you like that. Sometimes you have to just deal with it however you can. The main thing is to do something so you are not disempowered.