Emotional Abuse

Image: Focus Adolescent Information 

My last post on Emotional Abuse got a lot of traffic and reaction. I rest my case. We still need to be working on this aspect of abuse because it is the hardest one to manage in my opinion because the damage can’t necessarily be seen. It can be covert , underhanded and hidden abuse. In no way does that mean I think we should be less aware of or less active in dealing with other forms of abuse. No way. Unfortunately history keeps repeating itself, we don’t learn and we just keep allowing abuse to continue. It has to stop. I’d like to think we are the generation and century of human beings who can change this. We have the brains, the insight, the tools and connectivity. Since my last post emotional abuse has been better identified. That’s a big step in the right direction. People need to know what it is. They need to know it happens and they need to know what it looks and feels like.

Image: Education Experts 

The next step will be just as big but much harder. We need to work out ways of shutting it down and stopping it. We also need to understand why people do this to others. Joining together and bringing all our ideas to the table will help untangle a lot of this. All abuse needs to be out in the open no matter how hard that is to confront and deal with. It’s the first step. Allowing it to go on behind closed doors is no longer good enough. We need the research, the experts, the documentation. It doesn’t matter whether it’s cyber bullying, family emotional abuse, abuse within a personal relationship, at work , from an organisation looking at it clearly and then approaching it methodically is our only hope. Focus Adolescent Services identifies it very clearly and has some excellent links out to other related information.

Acts of kindness generator

Most people are kind. There are a few who are not but the vast majority of the human race is considerate and kind. You get busy , though or stressed or preoccupied and kindness just doesn’t flow as easily as when you are relaxed. Shari’s Berries blog has a random act of kindness generator which can be used in so many ways. You can click it and get a random . You can focus on just family or just work colleagues. You can also download the whole list of acts of kindness and you could customise it to suit your mood and how you want be. You could create challenges. They really make you feel good. I did one last year and some of it was actually hard but I learned so much and it was just a positive contribution to my life even though I was the one doing the acts of kindness. It works. It creates a well world and a well you.

Set up a bokashi bin

I am not going to use a bokashi bin because I am short of composting space. I want to make my composting more effective. I have decided to remodel what I do with kitchen scraps. I  now have a small compost bucket with a lid to use for peelings etc as I go. That will be emptied into the bokashi bin.When necessary the bokashi bin will be emptied into my big compost bin out the back or be dug directly into my veggie patch. I am still investigating it all so this is by way of the first post .

 

My bokashi bin arrived yesterday and so I am set to go. Unfortunately, we have storms forecast for tomorrow so I guess that will be research day and I should be able to get my system in place over the weekend. The old indoor compost bin will be repurposed into an inground worm farm.Bit by bit I have got my garden to be better . I do it gradually and plan the things I want to do and as I talk about them I get other ideas so by the time I am doing something I feel ready and confident. I am excited to see how the bokashi bin works.

Shine on

Images from pixelstalk.com edited on PhotoCollage.com

 

I saw “It is your year to shine “ on my new calendar. I thought I’d make myself a picture just to remind myself!

 

 

Journaling

On a whim I bought the four pack of journals put out by Flow magazine at the beginning of last year. I had never heard of Flow . I just thought the journals would suit me. I’ve since read Flow magazines and been to their website and follow them on Instagram. It’s a very positive, helpful way of looking at life. The journals were guided and gave you things to do and each one had a theme. From the lists one I actually learned I only need to make lists when I am under pressure and can do them really well. I also learned how I trick myself by writing lists and then doing a lot of things which are not on the list and then not having time to do the list things. I can use lists to make myself feel inadequate. That was a real eyeopener.  The slow living one was good because it was what I was trying to achieve. It gave me a way of looking at it and then a way of developing my life in my own way. Through this year of journaling I have used the journals to plan and achieve ideas. I have evidence of how I do things from conception to completion and the journaling about it meant I could back track and look over what I had been doing both for information and to self correct or review. The journals helped me to plan and achieve so many things last year. I finished the last one the other day. My daughter knew how much I liked journaling so she had bought me the next version of a journal for Christmas. It has some guided spots but I am left a lot to my own devices. I have levelled up in journaling. themuses has some good ways to get you motivated into journaling. I find the paper versions work for me because I am not being tracked, quantified, saved or interfered with in any way. It is just me and my journal. It’s not private but I am developing ideas and concepts. It is 100% my time and my space. I have found that journaling is that Mahatma Gandhi  saying you hear – Be the change you want to see in the world. 

Recycling ocean plastic

Adidas with Parley have brought out some new sneakers made from ocean plastic. Should be water, shouldn’t it? We shouldn’t have to gather plastic from the ocean. The planet needs to get rid of plastic because as handy as it can be we are very bad at disposing of it and far too much ends up in the ocean. You’ve seen the fish. You’ve seen the videos. There are now attempts to put it right. I’d  like to think these sneakers can be disposed of properly when they come to the end of their life. People are trying to solve the plastic waste problem now and there are some very good discussions going on which give me hope that eventually we shall solve this problem. Adidas is trying to find a good use for plastic recouped from the ocean. They cannot solve the problem alone but at least they are making an effort. There is another company making plastic bricks for housing. At best it really ought to only be used for disaster areas or areas which need quick emergency housing. Even though the bricks are supposed to be fire treated there is no proof as yet that they will survive hot sun and plastic fires are hideous. We need to keep talking about that one. Where there is a will…and it’s not as if we don’t have the brains and technology to solve these sorts of problems. The conversations are highlighting the issues. Firstly, we need to clean up our act. Secondly,we need to dispose of this plastic wisely. Thirdly, we probably need to forget about plastic. It has done more harm than good. BYFUSION explains the plastic brick idea on its site.The discussions around it are on The Insider Facebook page .

Men need to wear scarves too

This video features @misterwoolybear whom I follow on Instagram. Australian men are not so good at wearing scarves and yet we do have the weather for it and it is a great way to beat the strong winds and cold we have been having. This video gives some ideas as to the sorts of scarves and styles men can use so they feel more comfortable wearing the scarf and go beyond the draping a scarf around their neck which isn’t very helpful in the cold weather !

The 9 Rs

 Image : Sustainability for all 

I am big on reusing, repurposing and repairing. In the end it’s a habit which you can develop and a way of thinking. I also have got my friends and family into that style of thinking too. We help each other repair things, or find a new use for things or a new home. I collect things to recycle and to hand on to charity organisations so I know that they will get good use. One of my friends said that was a good way of thinking because it gives you a sense of purpose. He is helping to rebuild things to be handed on to charity organisations and refugee camps. As a world we have improved our capacity to redistribute and that is because we have thought about it. Organisations like OzHarvest build the relationships so they can redistribute food to the needy. Adelaide has a number of artists who have created wonderful pieces from leftover and excess materials. Some are beautiful  and intricate art works. Others are metallic sculptures which are as impressive as they are inspirational. Greenpeace has a good post about getting beyond reuse, recycle, reduce. We are doing that, but we need to keep thinking about it. We cannot live sustainably on a planet which keeps producing more and more and more. In the end you have enough and enough is plenty.

Deshun Wang

Yet another example of age being a mirage.Older people are repackaging themselves and redesigning their purpose in life. Deshun Wang expresses it beautifully : he has spent his whole life preparing for this. Stereotyping is restrictive and constrictive for anyone and any group. It is great to see older people just being and if they are the ones who will free us of ageism then they are serving a great purpose in life.

Managing a control freak

There is a fine line between dealing with and managing a control freak and being the victim of emotional abuse. Victim being the operative word. If you feel like a victim , you probably are and you need to get the help to deal with that frame of mind and set of behaviours. Easier said than done depending on the nature of the controlling behaviour. We all like to be in control. We want our coffee the way we want it. We want to be able to relax in the way we relax. We want to make phone calls the way we make them and do our washing the way we do it. We need to bring control freak back into common parlance so that we recognise unhealthy controlling behaviour in ourselves and then unhealthy controlling behaviour in others. It is really difficult when they play a key role in your life. uncommonhelp gives some really practical advice as to how to deal with control freaks. The best bit is that it is all doable so even if you find it hard to stand up for yourself you have a chance of being able to master these suggestions. Dr Judith Orloff analyses the situation better so that you can get some clarity. That’s important. Often you feel very confused. There is usually a reason that people become controllers. We shouldn’t minimise the behaviour by calling them micro managers or helicopter parents.  wikihow explains really well the difference between someone who has strong views and boundaries and one who is a controller. Sorting it out for yourself is how you manage it. If you are not able to do that , it is important to use trusted, successful people to get help and information.