Managing a control freak

There is a fine line between dealing with and managing a control freak and being the victim of emotional abuse. Victim being the operative word. If you feel like a victim , you probably are and you need to get the help to deal with that frame of mind and set of behaviours. Easier said than done depending on the nature of the controlling behaviour. We all like to be in control. We want our coffee the way we want it. We want to be able to relax in the way we relax. We want to make phone calls the way we make them and do our washing the way we do it. We need to bring control freak back into common parlance so that we recognise unhealthy controlling behaviour in ourselves and then unhealthy controlling behaviour in others. It is really difficult when they play a key role in your life. uncommonhelp gives some really practical advice as to how to deal with control freaks. The best bit is that it is all doable so even if you find it hard to stand up for yourself you have a chance of being able to master these suggestions. Dr Judith Orloff analyses the situation better so that you can get some clarity. That’s important. Often you feel very confused. There is usually a reason that people become controllers. We shouldn’t minimise the behaviour by calling them micro managers or helicopter parents.  wikihow explains really well the difference between someone who has strong views and boundaries and one who is a controller. Sorting it out for yourself is how you manage it. If you are not able to do that , it is important to use trusted, successful people to get help and information.

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What does slowing down mean to you?

That was bizarre. The woman is in a completely different age group to me, she is at a different stage in life and yet, her video looked like my life at the moment. I am watching the ocean, walking on the beach, enjoying my yarn arts, reading , doing yoga and walking in nature. I really am taking the time to take the time! She articulates well what slow living is about and why you need it. We do glorify doing and it’s as though life has no meaning if you don’t have this grand todo list of where you have been and what you are doing. I am lucky I have a dog who really loves walking. That may sound odd but my other dogs preferred playing , running around, fetch, all of that. This dog is in my life now and she just loves walking. She started me off on this slow path. I was thinking I needed to reclaim my life. I have always had too much to do, have supported others, done so many things and worked really hard. I have achieved a lot and it has defined me but all the time the things which were important to me were being neglected. I did some sewing, some knitting, some crochet, some cross stitch but now I have time to really think things out and to really involve myself in my projects. When you are driven like you are in life then you pump a lot of adrenalin and it eventually impacts on your health. You don’t sleep properly, you don’t exercise properly and even if you think you are eating well, once you slow down you realise you were limited in your choices because of time and energy. I have had a chance to meet people, talk more, really notice the clouds. In many ways it is as I grew up. We often had times just wandering or sitting and looking or sitting and chatting. Like the woman in this video I love my technology. It can be very inspiring but it is also a great way to produce and share ideas and keep connected with people in a really good way. I have found it odd that after years of being uber busy I now have tome to think properly and notice. I am doing a journal about slow living. It is already set up and I follow the pattern. The balance she talks of is what is missing. If you work then there is so much to do there is no balance. Over the years the amount of things expected has increased. Profit, cost cutting, profit, streamlining have all meant good people are pushed too hard. They are reliable. They are there , and because they are there, they are overworked. The only solution is to work less and want less. When she talked of decluttering it was an indication we are driven to collect things in one way or another. To be slow, you need to simplify your life and be genuinely content with less.

Keep Moving

This song illustrates something a friend at work taught me. She told me it was silly to get bogged down in things and worry about this and that. She said it was better to keep moving – go onto the next thing, take the opportunities thrown your way, put your hand up for a different job. She is a lady who has achieved some interesting heights. She doesn’t brag or feel superior. She just keeps moving. She puts her ideas into action. She takes a positive view that she can change things and if there is a brick wall, she moves onto to something else. The Keep Moving has stayed with me ever since she said it. So rather than get bogged down or swamped I am learning to just keep moving. Looking for the opportunities and the positive paths to follow and  shedding the negativity just like that. I found this song just by accident when I was looking for something else – but it has fallen right into place in my life! The very thing to sing along to!

Depression

Tips for Recovering from Depression

View more presentations from Abhishek Shah

This slide share offers some hope and a very practical approach to dealing with depression. It is not an easy fix or THE answer but it offers some very practical help and ways of thinking. 

Relax!

You Tube for me has now become the place I look for relaxing music or videos which will improve my mood and remind me the world is full of wonder. Osho provides some lovely videos to choose from and I hope one day they will be translated. For now I can read a bit of what is being said, love the music and then enjoy the images. Always good to take time out and relax.

Life is Change

There ought be no surprises in the fact life is change. People get used to one thing and then life can change dramatically. Sometimes we refuse to accept it and that only makes it harder. Life does not compromise when it insists change is what it is about. We have to get really good at holding onto our memories of the good times because they sustain us. We have to have a plan of action for dealing with change.Fighting it does not work. you have to go with it. You have to do the next thing which has to be done. Take the next step, not think ahead. One step at a time, one thing at a time, no looking backward. being with people is important. people help you manage change simply because they are there leading their life and they draw you along. Their conversations become your new ones. It isn’t always easy to change but as you change you find new things and new people and new facets of yourself and that is probably why life makes you change all the time. before you know it , you can look back and wonder how you got where you did and how you are now achieving what you are. If you accept that change is something you need a plan to manage when it comes along, you will value putting in a plan which suits you. For me it has always been the one step and the one thing and don’t think ahead.

10 thinking secrets by Bill Gates

10 Thinking Secrets By Bill Gateshttp://static.slidesharecdn.com/swf/ssplayer2.swf?doc=billgate-110104003338-phpapp01&stripped_title=10-thinking-secrets-by-bill-gates&userName=bright9977

View more presentations from Sompong Yus.

There are times when Bill Gates is not the most popular man on the planet. Put those prejudices aside, if you have them, and read this presentation by Sompong Yus . There is some really solid and thought provoking advice here to help you manage whatever it is you are trying to manage. The approaches are very sound.

Relaxation

The BBC Health site is always very practical  in its approach to health. Our world is busy and our work life can be overwhelming at times because there has been an erosion of the notion of a working day, working week and working year. The rest breaks are no longer built in and so we have to look to ourselves to manage the work load. Luckily the internet is full of people and sites who are willing to help us. This page on relaxation is a good example of how to get help. It is easy to follow, straight forward and a good reminder of how to relax. We cannot keep going so we have to know how to stop and slow down. The advice at the top of the page of looking at animals to help learn how to stop and shut down is a good reminder.

Tips for happiness

30 Tips for Happiness  (PDF)http://static.slidesharecdn.com/swf/ssplayer2.swf?doc=nubiagroup30happinesstips-100816124210-phpapp01&stripped_title=30-tips-for-happiness

View more presentations from Nubia  (i am a bit busy these days – sorry by advance if i cannot find material time to watch and comment your show).

Breaking Bad Habits

This article gives you some good tips on breaking bad habits. Stress hormones can make you form habits – good or bad, so when you are stressed it is probably a good time to work on good behaviours and work off the stress with some exercise, yoga, digging. I find if I am really wound up I need to really get stuck into something active and I use that to clean, groom the dog, do my yoga, heavy gardening. It gets the adrenalin to balance itself and get through my system and it makes me feel a lot better. Sitting when you are stressed is not good in my experience. You also need to be aware of what it is you want to change about your habits. Do a stock take. Then you need to think of what good changes you want to make. it is no use waiting and thinking you’ll deal with it at some stage. Planning the changes are important and help you succeed because you are more aware of something which you need to break and more aware of what you want to encourage in yourself. I am also a great one for saying things out loud . “No, you are not going to do that…you are going to do this. ” I find saying things aloud helps me to break the bad ways and get the new ways going. I don’t mind if people hear me. It makes everyone laugh and that has to be good!